There is a cutesy video making the rounds on the Internet of a black Lab who attracted all sorts of attention while on her daily walk. Her human couldn’t figure out why. Then she spotted the pacifier in the dog’s mouth. Yeah, so?
As we say in Texas, first liar hasn’t got a chance. There we were. Or as the preface to any good cop story begins, “this is no shit!”
One of my fellow narcs made several buys from a broke dick. In narc parlance that is a bottom feeding dope dealer. This guy was living in his grandparent’s garage, not a garage conversion, the garage. He had a long way to go to move into Tony Montana’s digs. The broke dick had developed a major bromance with the undercover officer (UC). After all, the undercover provided beer and cigarettes and didn’t treat the broke dick like something the UC stepped in. The UC couldn’t get rid of the guy.
During his last visit the UC observed that the broke dick was in possession of a quantity of marijuana. Problem solved! The undercover soon obtained a search and arrest warrant for the broke dick.
The crew saddled up and went off to execute the search warrant. Entry was uneventful. The broke dick was too stoned to object. Grandma and grandpa were resigned and unsurprised that a group of narcs were after the broke dick. The only individual upset was broke dick’s German Shepard. Our initial entry scared her. But then she rallied and tried to play graceful hostess and greet all her new friends.
We began to search the place. During the search of the nightstand, one of the guys found a rubber dildo. Finds, such as this, were always a source of great fun. The finder would typically throw the object at one of his fellow searchers. The target would catch the thrown object before identifying it. Identification came after he had a firm grasp on it. What followed was a grossed-out expression, suitably obscene remarks and an attempt to unhand the object. Hilarity ensued.
The dildo didn’t have a chance to bounce before the dog pounced on it. She picked it up and shook it and then made the rounds of the room. She pranced from narc to narc showing her toy. Sometimes she would drop it, paw it and step back, as if to say, pick it up, throw it! She got no takers.
Did you hear the one about the dog who showed up back at the house with a human arm? Okay, may be not as cutesy. I guess it depends on the circles in which one travels.