Language is constantly evolving the word for the day is:

Teledildonic: connecting sex toys over the internet.

You thought texting was bad. Standby! There are some innovations we could do without. Oh, for the good old days when you knew that buzzing sound coming from the person standing next to you was a pager going off. Now, who knows?

A guy by the name of Ted Nelson invented the term back in 1975. On August 17, 1998, when Warren J. Sandvick, Jim W. Hughes, and David Alan Atkinson patented the concept.

How proud their mothers must be. Move over Mrs. Gates, for the new computer pioneers.

Color me skeptical. I don’t see the implications for a possible rape or sexual assault. In order to have rape there has to be an unauthorized penetration. I may be naive but these devices may vibrate, hum, wobble, and pulse. They may even be able to crawl across the floor.

They can’t open the night stand drawer, crawl out, sneak up on unsuspecting victims and make the plunge. Seems like the only bitch a potential victim has coming is: “I signed up for a waltz and got the funky chicken,”

There was an audio tape that made the EMS rounds about 40 years ago. Paramedics were just coming on line and telemetry was in its infancy. An EMS unit had responded to an unknown medical emergency. On arrival they were confronted with a situation outside their experience. (Alternately they wanted to screw with the ER doctor). They called in for advice.

“EMS to base.”

“Base go ahead.”

“EMS, we have a male patient, 30 years of age …(snicker, giggle). He ah… complains of …(guffaw) impalement.”

“Base to EMS, quit screwing around…”

“EMS to base, sorry, subject has a vibrator stuck in his rectum! (outright laughter).”

“Base to EMS, so what’s he want us to do….take it out or change the batteries?”

Remember when George Orwell and Ray Bradbury were considered out there with their stories about the future? Their future is here. Turns out they were lacking in imagination.