The Daily Caller is reporting that a baby born in Irag was found to have three penises. My first reaction was, ”is there any doubt he is male at birth?” Then I bemoaned the fact that the kid had rendered the Texas observation, “He’s happier than a dog with two dicks,” obsolete. I did some research, to see if I could credit the originator of the saying.
This is what I found.
Get me to thinking about other witticisms that I thought were of Texas origin. Such as:
Hotter than 2 Rats Fucking in a wool sockThe Motley Fool
Tireder than a 2 peckered billie goat..or a one leged man in an A$$ kicking contest
Sweating like a whore in church
That girl is fine as frogs hair
Happier than a pig in Shit
Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs
Colder than a well digger’s ass
Dumber than a stack of anvils
Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road
I’m so horny even the crack of dawn looks good.
Uglier than a mud fence
Deader than a sack of rocks
He couldn’t haul ass with a bucket.
Uglier than a sack of assholes.
You could knock a buzzard offa the gut-wagon.
He’s happier than a pig in shit.
I’m sweatin like the hog that knows he’s dinner.
That boy would make coffee nervous.
I’ll stomp a mud hole in your ass and walk it dry.”
Just as happy as if he had good sense
Slicker than snot on a door knob
“I feel about as welcome as a muddy dog at a weddin”
Dumber than a bag of hammers!
Ran off faster than a cat shittin’ razor blades!
I feel like I been shot at and missed and shit at and hit!
Even a blind squirrel eventually finds a nut!
He’s 10lbs of stupid in a 5lb sack
He couldn’t hit sand if he fell off a camel
That boy’s a whole stack of stupid
He’s dumber than a football bat
He couldn’t find his ass with both hands and a map
He couldn’t get laid with 100 bucks in his teeth
If brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose
No need to go to the deli when you live next to the highway
you cant hit the broad side of a barn with a bass fiddle
Crazier than a popcorn fart!
Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit
I’ll beat you like a rented mule
That dawg won’t hunt.
Tougher than a two dollar steak.
Havin’ buzzard luck, can’t kill nothin’, can’t find nothin’ dead.
Drunker’n Cooter Brown.
Could s**t thru a screen door.
She’s so buck-toothed, she could eat an ear of corn thru a picket fence.
Hotter than a two dollar pistol.
IF SHE HAD TO HAUL ASS,
she’d have to make two trips
we was so poor, we couldn’t pay attention
slicker than owl’s shit
if my aunt had balls,
she’d be my uncle!
there’s a lot of chicken left on that bone
never up, never in!
ate so much crawfish last nite,
had to back up to the commode this morning
if shit were money
we’d all be rich
I’m done researching. I’m afraid I find one of these quotes is attributed to a Boston Yankee. I’ll keep my illusions.