One Ups-Manship

The Daily Caller is reporting that a baby born in Irag was found to have three penises. My first reaction was, ”is there any doubt he is male at birth?” Then I bemoaned the fact that the kid had rendered the Texas observation, “He’s happier than a dog with two dicks,” obsolete. I did some research, to see if I could credit the originator of the saying.

This is what I found.

Margaret Thatcher former Prime Minister of Great Britain. At least she had a Texan’s attitude!

Get me to thinking about other witticisms that I thought were of Texas origin. Such as:

Hotter than 2 Rats Fucking in a wool sock

Tireder than a 2 peckered billie goat..or a one leged man in an A$$ kicking contest

Sweating like a whore in church

That girl is fine as frogs hair

Happier than a pig in Shit

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs

Colder than a well digger’s ass

Dumber than a stack of anvils

Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road

I’m so horny even the crack of dawn looks good.

Uglier than a mud fence

Deader than a sack of rocks

He couldn’t haul ass with a bucket.

Uglier than a sack of assholes.

You could knock a buzzard offa the gut-wagon.

He’s happier than a pig in shit.

I’m sweatin like the hog that knows he’s dinner.

That boy would make coffee nervous.

I’ll stomp a mud hole in your ass and walk it dry.”

Just as happy as if he had good sense

Slicker than snot on a door knob

“I feel about as welcome as a muddy dog at a weddin”

Dumber than a bag of hammers!

Ran off faster than a cat shittin’ razor blades!

I feel like I been shot at and missed and shit at and hit!

Even a blind squirrel eventually finds a nut!

He’s 10lbs of stupid in a 5lb sack

He couldn’t hit sand if he fell off a camel

That boy’s a whole stack of stupid

He’s dumber than a football bat

He couldn’t find his ass with both hands and a map

He couldn’t get laid with 100 bucks in his teeth

If brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose

No need to go to the deli when you live next to the highway

you cant hit the broad side of a barn with a bass fiddle

Crazier than a popcorn fart!

Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit

I’ll beat you like a rented mule

That dawg won’t hunt.

Tougher than a two dollar steak.

Havin’ buzzard luck, can’t kill nothin’, can’t find nothin’ dead.

Drunker’n Cooter Brown.

Could s**t thru a screen door.

She’s so buck-toothed, she could eat an ear of corn thru a picket fence.

Hotter than a two dollar pistol.

she’d have to make two trips

we was so poor, we couldn’t pay attention

slicker than owl’s shit

if my aunt had balls,
she’d be my uncle!

there’s a lot of chicken left on that bone

never up, never in!

ate so much crawfish last nite,
had to back up to the commode this morning

if shit were money
we’d all be rich

The Motley Fool

I’m done researching. I’m afraid I find one of these quotes is attributed to a Boston Yankee. I’ll keep my illusions.