Crooks have a tendency to interpret the law in a manner most advantageous to them, despite what the law actually means. During my time as a cop I have had crooks tell me:

A murder suspect felt he shouldn’t be charged with murder because the guy he shot is not the guy he was aiming at, therefore the whole thing was an accident.

The guy standing outside the elementary school catching electronics thrown out the window to him by an accomplice was unjustly convicted of burglary because he never went inside the building. He was captured after his accomplice threw a 19″ TV out the window while his back was turned. The TV landed on his head and knocked him out.

A crook busted in the middle of a dope deal said he wasn’t dealing dope, everybody knows it’s illegal to sell dope to the police. He was selling crack to his friend (an undercover police officer).

Now comes Richard Patterson who claims he didn’t murder his girlfriend, it was an accident she choked on his giant penis. Stick with that defense, the boys at Raiford are gonna love it.

Florida’s own Richard Patterson, 65, confessed from the beginning of his murder trial that he choked his late girlfriend, Francisca Marquinez, 60, to death, but has recently attempted to absolve himself of blame by painting this as a result of her performing oral sex on his enormous dong. Florida-man-yes-i-killed-my-girlfriend-she-choked-on-my-giant-penis