They’re Not My Pants

This is an opportunity to introduce a new category: “They’re Not My Pants.” A more common response, popular with kids is “not me”. They’re not my pants is the adult doper version. The translation is, I am not admitting that the dope, gun or fill in the blank in my pocket belongs to me.

Our hero, in this story reported to police that he had been assaulted. Investigating officers found no evidence that he had been assaulted. They did find a quantity of speed on a night stand. They found an additional quantity in his pocket after they arrested him. He had a reasonable explanation… wasn’t him the ghosts did it.

I reported his arrest at the time. The follow up is story is that he decided maybe there weren’t any ghosts. He entered a guilty plea and is now serving time.

With crooks the name of the game is Deny, deny, deny.
Pistol stashed in the snatch? Not mine, gun or twat.

Syringes hiding in a rectum, don’t know how they got there. Musta been somebody snuck up when I wasn’t looking.

And the all time winner? What’s you thing (penis) doing hanging out of your pants?

Crook looks down then up, shrugs his shoulders and wait for it…”It’s not my thing.”

We see similar behavior in the animal kingdom.

This begs the question. Who are smarter crooks or dogs?