Nomination For a Hero Badge

In never occurred to me to Baptise anybody during a contact. I did perform a couple of divorces, a marriage and an exorcism, (not all at once). All in a day’s work. It seems a cop in Tennesse took it upon himself to Baptize a suspect and let her go, rather than write her a ticket.

Apr. 14—Soddy-Daisy resident Shandle Marie Riley, 42, the woman who was reportedly baptized against her will by a Hamilton County deputy during a 2019 traffic stop, was found dead by local authorities Wednesday night. Wilkey told Riley “God [was] talking to him and assured [Riley] if she got baptized, [Wilkey] would only write her a citation and she would be free to go about her business,” the court documents said.

La Shawn Pagan, Chattanooga Times Free Press, Tenn.

I might have come close on the Baptism bit, once. A crook fell into the Blanco River at two am, one February morning. I thought he knocked himself out. So, I jumped in to save him. He was faking and the fight was on. I overcame his resistance after holding his head under water for what seemed like a half hour. There wasn’t any choir singing. I don’t think my shouting motherfucker is part of any Baptismal rite.

As to the divorces, I blame it on Joseph Wambaugh. One of his cop characters had a drunk couple lay their hands on his badge and raise their right hands while he proclaimed them divorced. I couldn’t let that slide and had to try it myself. Bragging rights. In order to not be a total copycat, I also performed at least one marriage. Didn’t need no stinkin marriage license.

Ah, the good old days. Let’s see cops these days do that.