Sad and Useless Humor blog has a post of modern day definitions. The spirit of Ambrose Bierce lives on.
Ambrose Bierce was a journalist, writer and literary critic whose work influenced Steven Crane and Ernest Hemingway, among others. As a columnist he provided alternate definitions for common words, which were later consolidated into the “Devil’s Dictionary.”
Bierce achieved legendary status when in 1913 at the age of 71, he decided to check out the Mexican revolution. He was never seen again.
The Devil’s Dictionary is a satirical dictionary written by American Civil War soldier, wit, and writer Ambrose Bierce consisting of common words followed by humorous and satirical definitions. The lexicon was written over three decades as a series of installments for magazines and newspapers. Bierce’s witty definitions were imitated and plagiarized for years before he gathered them into books, first as The Cynic’s Word Book in 1906 and then in a more complete version as The Devil’s Dictionary in 1911.
Wikipedia
Here is a sampling of his definitions from the “Devil’s Dictionary.”
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary– More quotations on: [Weather]
Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary– More quotations on: [Boredom]
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary– More quotations on: [Brain]
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary– More quotations on: [Fortune]
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
