It’s been said that Cops can fuck up a box of rocks with a rubber mallet. This speaks not only to persistence but also the creative use of the mallet. Two SAPD patrol officers stand convicted of conning their way into the pants of several women. Convicted-former-San-Antonio-PD-officers-take. These guys approached and then groomed several young women to participate in an undercover prostitution investigation. These events didn’t happen overnight. This was an elaborate scheme that took a time to implement and carry out. The graduation ceremony for the would be hookers was to take their handlers for a ride “around the world.”

Nervous about the final exam, one would be undercover prostitutes checked to see if this was really the way it is done. The officers are convicted of multiple prostitution counts and are going through the sentencing phase. Needless to say, they have been fired. The old saw, “The badge will get you pussy and pussy will get your badge,” still holds true.

UPDATE: Convicted-former-San-Antonio-PD-officers-take-10980472. The officers were sentenced to six and ten years in prison for the Judge stacking some sentences to arrive at a number that he found pleasing. I suspect they will be given the opportunity to pursue their prostitution fantasies while in prison, although not in the role of pimp.

I don’t understand cops these days. Granted I haven’t worked patrol in twenty years, but it can’t have changed that much. In my time, we had “fender lizards,” some jurisdictions called them “badge bunnies.” They worked in coffee shops, hospitals, cocktail lounges or hung out in places with a heavy law enforcement presence. All you had to do was ask. In San Antonio, the saying was: “You ain’t a real po-lice until you screwed a Jim’s waitress.” One pair of waitresses claimed that they gave more head jobs to SAPD officers that the entire San Antonio Police Officer’s Association Wive’s Auxiliary, combined. I never heard an SAPD officer challenge their claim.

In New York, before the advent of pagers and cell phones,  the most highly guarded secret in any station house was the “book.” Maintained by the desk sergeant, it listed the phone numbers where a particular officer might be found. In it were bars, restaurants, after hours joints, girlfriends #1, #2, #3 and mistresses with notes setting out time frames and days of the week when he was most likely to be found.

Traffic stops were often fertile ground for fender lizards and cops to meet up. A Dallas motor jockey (motorcycle cop) made a stop near the end of the shift. As he approached the offender’s vehicle he observed the lone female occupant unbutton the top two buttons of her blouse, hike her skirt up a couple of inches and then give a little shimmy to settle everything into place. When the officer finally contacted her, she was just so warm and friendly and cuddly with soft bedroom eyes that he couldn’t resist.

He pointed out that he was near the end of his shift and if she cared to wait at the “Do Drop Inn” he would be along in twenty minutes to buy her a drink and then accompany her to the no tell motel.

He had hardly got the proposition voiced when the gates of hell opened. She called him every vile thing in the book and for one so young had an impressive vocabulary. She threatened to complain to his Sergeant, Captain, Chief of Police, Mayor, and Governor if need be. The motor jockey calmly named his Sergeant and told her that the Sergeant would be waiting for her, made sure she knew how to get to the station and concluded the conversation with, “Well, I guess that means a head job is totally out of the question.”

She beat him to the station and found the Sergeant waiting. He was able to calm her down and assure her that he would severely punish the officer if she left it up to him. Satisfied, she left.

The Sergeant asked the motor jockey for an explanation.

He replied,”Just like a woman, you offer to throw her the old Mocassin Head, and she just has to run out and tell everybody.”

I guess that motor jockey’s explanation, as a moral to the story is just as good as any other.