Okay, I admit it I was stuck for something else to write. Then a friend sent this photo, with commentary. My first reaction was, everybody knows that! But then I took a walk around, poked it from this angle, gave it a kick from another. I thought about it in light of my sixty-plus years of experience and concluded this whole cleavage thing is a trap for the unwary. In Texas, she could get a ticket for baiting a field. 

Years ago an animal control officer got tired of chasing a pack of dogs in a neighborhood.  He went out for one last try only this time he brought a bitch in heat with him. He tied her to a fire hydrant and waited for nature to take its course. He was back at the shelter by noon with a full truck. The lynch mobs descended shortly afterward, the citizenry rose up to defend dogs being dogs. Several people claimed entrapment; others settled for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Get called out for a sincere appreciation of her cleavage, and you are all alone. Dogs get a better defense. You are a pariah among men. How did we get this way?

I admit it I like breasts, boobs, tits, titties, and gazongas. When boobs matchup to the frame, big or small doesn’t matter, is a thing of pure wonder and beauty. Couldn’t care less about DD. Don’t care that the left one is bigger than the right. I like restrained boobs, wet t-shirt titties, cold mornings and the frozen food section at the grocery store. I enjoy the flash of a breast from a gaping top. I like ’em head on, top down, side boob and underboob. I appreciate it all.

Try thanking a hard body for making your day. Chances are you will get your ass handed to you. How many times have you been held up in traffic so that the drivers ahead of you can gaze at the after effects of a car wreck? Admit it when it is your turn, you look. It is the nature of the beast, ever seen a structure fire with no spectators, course not. Why wouldn’t any person pause to gaze upon a pert boob, men to appreciate and women to chastise the hussy? Which brings me to my point, how come men aren’t supposed to notice but women can? It sounds sexist to me.

I have been struggling with this dichotomy since I was fourteen. How come I couldn’t look at what was right in front of me. It seems if a woman in something low cut is willing to suffer the slings and arrows fired her way by the sisterhood. If women can be catty, why can’t I be appreciative? I’m just not sure a furtive peek rather than an appreciative, respectful gaze isn’t appropriate.

I was walking along a jogging trail one afternoon and came across a twelve point buck who was standing about twenty feet off the trail. Rather than flee at the sign of me, we stood face to face. I said to myself out loud, “Nice rack.” I was immediately challenged by a hardbody who was overtaking me from behind. The usual sexist pig type refrains from her as she passed. I quickly replied, pointing at the buck, “I was talking about him!”

She looked over at the buck and said, ” You’re right.”

Not willing to leave things well enough alone, I finished the conversation, “but it applies to you too.” Why is it so hard to get a date in this town?