Jeepers Creepers

There are a variety of motives that cause a Peeping Tom to do what he does.  Most fall into the category of creepy and will go no further.  However, there is a subset of Peeping Toms out there, where the peeping is a first step on a long evolution. That evolution could ultimately lead to murder.  I find the costume to be an indicator of bad things to come.

This is so old, I feel young again. Trust me on this.  Cops do not like to respond to calls for Peeping Toms, where there aren’t any.  Cops like catching Peeping Toms. There is a way to make  a Peeping Tom an  Easy CatchPolice in Seattle are seeking help in catching a Peeping Tom.

Peeping Toms are easy to catch once all parties get the technique down.  It involves a cooperative effort peeker, peekee and the police.

Before I get there I have to tell you the tale of two mountain lions in Big Bend.  That’s in Texas, a sparsely populated area and desert. Mountain lions may range a 100 miles, each in their own territory.

Two of them shared the same watering hole. One was fat and sassy and the other skin and bones.  The skinny one wanted to know the secret to the fat one’s success.  After all they were both ranging over the same area. The fat one replied that he only ate Texas Rangers.  The skinny one was reduced to eating bugs and lizards, so it didn’t take much to convince him to change his diet.

The mountain lions went their separate ways and met up again six months later, at the same watering hole. Despite the change in diet, the skinny one was still skinny and the fat one still fat.

In an effort to explain the discrepancy the fat mountain lion asked the skinny lion to explain the process he used.

The skinny one said that he picked a cliff overlooking a likely trail.  The fat one agreed, I do that.

The skinny one said just before I leap I let out a mighty roar.  The fat mountain lion said, ” I see where you have gone wrong.

When you let out the roar you scare the shit out of the Texas Ranger and then all you’re left with is boots and a hat!”

The same dynamic applies  to Peeping Toms. Let’s face it girls by the time you figure you have a Peeping Tom problem, chances are he could carry on an intelligent conversation about the landscape he and your gynecologist are viewing.

A typical Peeping Tom victim confrontation goes something like this.  The Peeping Tom targets a specific house because he likes what he sees and he has seen it all.  It is not unusual for these guys to keep to a schedule and have a route (a selection of houses that they check).

Don’t tell me let me guess, upon suspicion of a Peeping Tom step one is (or includes one of the following) a scream, yelling, “oh shit oh dear”.  Step two is to stop doing what you are doing and step three is to run from the room. These are clues that most Peeping Toms take to mean they have worn out their welcome. Even the stupidest one boogies at step one. No matter how fast the cops respond, they are not going to catch a guy that has already left.

Give the cops three minutes, five would be better.  When you are convinced a Peeping Tom is well, Peeping, your job is to hold his undivided attention.  Notify your roommate or call 9-11 without acting like you are calling 9-11.  Most 9-11dispatchers are fairly sharp. They will catch on.  If this is a repeat occurrence patrol already knows where you live.

I am not suggesting bump and grind music but you want him thinking of the promise of things to come. Think burlesque rather than a stripper pole.

It has been my experience that when these tactics are employed the odds of capture increase.  As an added bonus, there is a good possibility that a short foot chase will happen, followed by a violent face first fall. Think cheese and grater, substitute Mr Happy and asphalt.  What’s not to like?