Brady’s Jersey Recovered (The Inside Story)

Previous reports that Celebrated Texas Rangers Clench Reeves and Rancid P Stange had recovered Tom Brady’s game jersey and returned it to New England have proven to be incorrect. now-we-know-who-stole-Tom-Brady’s-super-bowl-jersey/

Back in Austin, Texas, the dynamic duo discovers that their journey to New England with the bogus jersey was a stop-gap measure, which didn’t work. The Texas Rangers still have a dilemma, how to return the jersey with deniability. Their task now is to engineer the return two Super Bowl jerseys.

It seems that when the story broke about the theft of Brady’s Super Bowl jersey, it was incomplete and fragmented. At least the story that Texas Ranger Lance Bonham heard in Alpine, Texas was. If a person were asked to stick a pin in a map of Texas designating the “back of beyond,” it would not be unreasonable to find it centered on Alpine, Texas.  It seems two years previously Lance attended Super Bowl 49.

At the end of the game, he fell in with Patriots, as they left the field and posed as part of the protective detail. He was admitted to the locker room and stayed for the duration. He couldn’t help but notice that the players kept track of uniforms, pads, and helmets. Other items towels, socks, and jockstraps all went into a communal laundry bin. Seeing an opportunity, Lance ferreted the laundry bin out of the locker room to an unused storage room. On his way out, true to his Texas Ranger training or culture he snagged a jersey, at random to carry his booty. In the sanctuary offered by the storage room, he sorted the laundry and eventually made off with thirty-two used jockstraps and coincidently one game jersey.

Lance believed that word of his theft was out. He loaded the game jersey into his official Texas Ranger car and began the long drive to Austin. Once in Austin, he revealed the whole sorted tale to the Senior Ranger Captain. The same Senior Ranger Captain who had sent Rangers Strange and Reeves to Massachusetts on their bogus errand.

Senior Ranger Captains don’t get to be Senior Ranger Captains without having something on the ball, J.W. Beauford could never be accused of being too honest or a paragon of ethical behavior. However, he kept track of events through the years, knew where the bodies were buried and he was treacherous enough to reveal enough to get what he wanted. In other words the perfect Senior Ranger Captain.

Captain Beauford had two issues with which to deal. The return of the jerseys and the separation of Lance Bonham from the Texas Rangers. The way J.W. Beauford saw it, it was bad enough when they had to include women and black Rangers. Damn sure didn’t need any perverts, so Lance Bonham had to go. Ranger history is replete with Rangers who died in whorehouses, were part-time pimps or turned a blind eye to prostitution in their bailiwick.

Lance Bonham, at the outset of his Texas Ranger career, had worked undercover in Houston, Texas. He posed as a freelance male stripper “Lance O’Lot,” dancing at bachelorette parties, bar mitzvahs, and gay bars, mostly gay bars. The stressful undercover assignment gave Beauford the out he needed. Lance Bonham was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) due to his undercover activities a decade earlier. He was retired right then and there, with a full disability pension.

The history of the border region is the history of the Texas Rangers. They understood early on and made full use of the empty spaces. This person is wanted, the stolen loot went south, the guy who knows what happened went south. Why the wanted person couldn’t be arrested, the loot recovered or the full story explained was always the same, the border. It was never a failing of theTexas Rangers.  The Arizona Rangers formed in 1901 and then disbanded in 1909 didn’t understand this truth.

By the time Rangers, Strange and Reeves returned to Austin; Captain J.W.Beauford had the solution to their problems worked out. What remained was for Strange and Reeves to implement the plan.

Captain Beauford had cast his net wide; he was looking for a narco-trafficker who resided in Mexico and had attended the last Super Bowl. He found just the guy, Humberto Suarez Saenz, in Nuevo Laredo. Saenz was the target of an active wiretap, managed by DPS. He went to the latest Super Bowl and was heard to be discussing it with friends and associates. Saenz had substantial cash and property in the United States so any indictment would likely lead to the confiscation of those funds and properties.

So Rangers Strange and Reeves were on the road again, this time to Nuevo Laredo. They met Humberto Saenz in Laredo with a simple proposition. If Saenz agreed to make a phone call to one of his associates and read from the prepared script, they would give him information of equal or greater value.

Saenz agreed to the request he telephone an associate any associate to have this discussion. The nature of the request told him that his phone was tapped. Given the nature of his business, two Super Bowl jerseys were the least of his problems. Foreknowledge of what was to come could be measured in millions recovered versus a dead loss. He made the telephone call and delivered a flawless performance.

Saenz agreed to take the fall for the jersey theft. With an indictment for drug trafficking on the horizon, it wasn’t like he would be returning to the United States. Mexico wouldn’t extradite game jersey or not. What he gained was time to remove assets from U.S. jurisdiction.

With a tweak here and a tug there the plan was successfully implemented. The legend of the Texas Rangers continues.

I received all this information second and third hand and have no way to verify it except by news reports. If you compare news reports against my version; well it speaks for itself. All I can say is that my informant hasn’t lied to me as often politicians, ex-wives, or my boss. So take it as you will.