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It Could Happen #12

Potential Pandemic on the Horizon

In a knee jerk reaction, California Forestry officials have sent goats into forests in order to eat underbrush. This is in an effort to prevent forest fires. The story is at the link.

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-05-03/california-dispatches-goats-to-eat-brush-prevent-wildfires

I am not sure California authorities have considered all of the implications of such a move.

Introducing goats will upset the natural ecology of the area
An influx of goats will lead to increased numbers of Muslims
This will put the Muslim terrorists in direct competition with the cartel gunmen already in the forest, guarding marijuana grow operations. Date night will never be the same.
Double date
The increase in Muslim terrorists and Cartel gunmen will lead to an influx of fat white guys pretending to be bad asses. Here is a picture of one posing for pictures in his mother’s kitchen. Note the guns are unloaded. Safety first!
Fat guys faking being bad asses will go out and get metro-sexual tattoos in pastel shades.
  • Hell’s Angels

The pastel tattoos and fake bad ass fat white boys will upset the real bad asses with old school tattoos. This results in the fat boy getting a beat down from the Hell’s Angels.

The cleared away underbrush creates new marijuana growing areas for the Mexican cartels.
The landscaping goats are caught in the middle
  • Stepped out with the wrong goat
  • Goats killed in jealous rage
The dead goats cause naked PETA protesters to show up in the forests to support the goats.
Naked protests in woodlands lead to an outbreak of poison ivy rashes.

One thing leads to another. First, came the goats. Everything else follows in a predictable fashion. Give the goats a break. Maybe California can send vegans to the forest. California has plenty of them. The aren’t as cute and cuddly as goats. Just tell them they are eating locally.

The only unintended consequence I can see is that there will be fewer Prius cars on the road.