Hey, Shorty!

I don’t know what model vacuum the mild mannered pervert used, but…. Big Ball would seem to have a certain appeal.

Attorney Peter Phelps claims his client’s permanent injury could have been prevented if a label or warning had been included by the company with the Dyson device.

“My client was not aware of the dangers of using the device in such a manner and was never warned that such sexual maneuvers could leave him permanently injured”

Blair’s lawyer, Peter Phelps

A guy sticks his dick in a vacuum cleaner. He is injured as a result. According to his lawyer, the guy is blameless. The mean old vacuum cleaner company should have put a warning label on the vacuum cleaner. Who knew one wasn’t supposed to stick his penis in a vacuum cleaner? My question is: “Who is going to make him read it?”

On the positive side, this idiot isn’t going to procreate anytime soon. What woman is going to take the sloppy seconds of a stubby dicked, one balled loser whose last date was a vacuum cleaner? That is a purely rhetorical question because I know she is out there.

It could be worse. The victim would have been a natural to appear on “I’ve Got A Secret.” Fortunately it is no longer on TV. I can see it now!

Steve Allen, host, “I’ve Got A Secret”

“Panel, our guest tonight has a unique hobby. Would you tell the audience what it is?”

“That’s right Steve, I stuck my dick in a Dyson vacuum cleaner. Now that’s some suction, took the head and my left nut clean off.”

Must see TV.

The hell of it is, is that this guy will get a settlement. His attorney will be lionized by his fellow ambulance chasers for a brilliant legal strategy. Dyson will continue to make “new and improved” vacuum cleaners. Now labeled, “keep dick out of machine.”

Forty years ago I was hunkered down at home during an infrequent Texas blizzard. As the storm raged I stoked the fire in my genuine reproduction Franklin stove. I marveled that two hundred years later, man had not been able to improve on the design.

As I continued to sip on my whisky, I realized that I was wrong. At some point the manufacturer had changed the design. It was there for all to see. Cast into the metal was the notation, “Warning Stove Will Be Hot When In Use.”

Improvement or not, you decide.