Slippery Slope?

I don’t know which is worse, the guy who is doing the complaining, or the ambulance chasing attorney that filed the case. A San Antonio man has filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against the grocery chain HEB. He claims that a checkout clerk assaulted him with an English cucumber. The article is at the link.

My first reaction is: I don’t know that I would publicize the fact that I was beaten with a cucumber. I guess it takes all kinds.

I once knew a police sergeant who put out an “officer needs assistance, officer down call over the radio.” He was attempting to arrest an armless midget. It’s bad enough getting beat up under such circumstances. Broadcasting that fact to multiple law enforcement agencies and triggering a Code 3 response from multiple directions…

What made it even worse is the midget claimed that he didn’t know they were fighting. The officer was out on workmen’s comp for about six months, due to his injury.

Come to think of it, that incident happened at an HEB.

Getting back to the English cucumber. The picture above illustrates the difference between an English cucumber, a Kirby and a common cucumber. Why does anybody need an English cucumber? Its long length makes it ideally suited as a weapon.

The Second Amendment is based on the belief that Americans have a right to possess firearms. This right cannot be infringed by the government. Here it is:

Despite the language of the Second Amendment misguided liberals, democrats and assorted crazies keep trying to grab our guns. They try and sneak half measures by the people. One favorite is to limit the size of the magazines and number of rounds that a semi-automatic can carry.

This lawsuit demonstrates that when a malefactor is determined to do violence, any object can be a weapon. Why does anybody need a sixteen inch English cucumber? A common cucumber fulfills the same need. Due to its shorter length it is not suitable as a bludgeon. Should Texas legislators set a size limit on English cucumbers?

Been fishing lately? Texas law sets all sorts of limits on the size of fish one is able to keep. Best I can tell, the Constitution is silent regarding the inalienable right to possess and consume English cucumbers.

The problem with banning items is that today, it’s English cucumbers. Tomorrow a person could be assaulted with a pepperoni or a salami. So going after English cucumbers might not solve the problem. Should legislators ban all long cylindrical food products? What about soap on a rope? Where does it end?

What would Tony do?