Run Fast, Run Far

James Comey isn’t the sharpest pencil in the box. He claims that if Trump wins reelection, then Comey is moving to New Zealand. There are two problems with his plan. First, he assumes that he will be out on bond when Trump is reelected. Telegraphing your intent to flee the jurisdiction makes a remand without bond more likely. Second, New Zealand won’t work. The United States has an extradition treaty with New Zealand.

James Comey is Moving to New Zealand, and Other Great News for America

October 27, 2019 by David Blackmon10 Comments

Today’s Campaign Update
(Because The Campaign Never Ends)

Great news, everyone! James Comey is moving to New Zealand! –  The Nation’s Teenage Drama Queen and former FBI Director James Comey will be moving to New Zealand in November, 2020, after Donald Trump wins his inevitable re-election. That’s the promise the big, tall doofus made to MSNBC fake journalist Nicolle Wallace during a Saturday appearance at some minor event in Nashville:

James Comey: But we have something in common. And I said it when I sat here with the first question you asked. We have a set of values that are at the core of this country that hold this place together… Our leaders must reflect the glue that holds us together. They can’t be people who lie all the time. They just can’t. And I hope people see that’s true whether they are Republicans or Democrats.

Nicolle Wallace: What if he wins again?

James Comey: I will be, from my new home in New Zealand, but I still will believe in America.

So, we got that going for us, folks.

Of course, Mr. Comey didn’t say how he would make it all the way to New Zealand from his future cell in a federal maximum security prison. He probably has an escape plan that involves blending in with the drapes [think about it]. Regardless, we can be sure that in his weird mind, he is no doubt already there.

Just to be helpful, I perused the extradition treaty. Here are some of the likely crimes that Comey is likely to face. They are all covered, including the variations preceded by terms attempt and conspiracy.

  • 16. Obtaining property, money or valuable securities by false pretenses or by conspiracy to defraud the public or any person by deceit or falsehood or other fraudulent means, whether such deceit or falsehood or any fraudulent means would or would not amount to a false pretense.
  • 17. Bribery, including soliciting, offering and accepting.
  • 18. Extortion.
  • 20. Fraud by promoter, director, manager or officer of any company, existing or not.
  • 21. Forgery, comprehending the crimes designated under law in the United States as the forgery or false making of private or public obligations and official documents or public records of the government or public authority or the uttering or fraudulent use of the same; uttering what is forged.
  • 24. Perjury; subornation of perjury.
  • 25. False swearing.
  • 32. Unlawful obstruction of justice through bribery of judicial officers; corruption and bribery of heads of government departments or members of the Congress in the United States, or Ministers of the Crown or members of Parliament in New Zealand; corruption and bribery of law enforcement officers or government officials; fabrication of evidence; conspiracy to bring false accusation; corrupting juries and witnesses by threats, bribes, or other corrupt means.
  • Extradition shall also be granted for attempts to commit, conspiring to commit, or participation in, or inciting, counseling, or attempting to procure any person to commit, or being an accessory after the fact to, any of the offenses mentioned in this Article.
  • Extradition shall also be granted for any offense of which one of the above listed offenses is the substantial element, when, for purposes of granting jurisdiction to the United States Government, transporting or transportation is also an element of the specific offense.