Nomination For A Hero Badge

There is no telling why an event, reported today, will trigger a memory from forty years past. I saw this article on the Daily Caller blog. It reports an incident that happened in Brazil. Never been to Brazil and I rarely think about it. So Brazil didn’t start the journey. Two guys were fighting and a lifeguard tried to intervene. Okay, been there done that dozens of times, as a cop. Still, that doesn’t lead to where I ended up. One of the guys, in the fight, picked up a baby caiman, think alligator. He used the caiman as a weapon to hold the others at bay. I have never been confronted with a caiman or alligator as a weapon. But….

https://dailycaller.com/2021/10/28/alligator-fight-viral-video-brazil/

As a cop, I have tried out a variety of commands to stop the action and disarm a suspect. There is the ever popular, “Police, Freeze!” or its variation, “Freeze Motherfucker!” has a dramatic effect but proves to be problematical when one is required to explain one’s choice of terms in court. I skated with, “I was just trying to explain to the suspect in terms that he would understand.” I don’t know if it worked as an explanation by the jury laughed. “Drop the weapon”, may be unimaginative but effective never the less.

A Fort Worth officer became a legend in his own time when he was commended, fired and then reinstated for the same action. It seems the officer was unable to recall his specific commands issued just prior to shooting a Christmas season armed robber. The cop stated, under oath that he said, “Police Freeze!”. The armed robber, who survived to testify remembered things differently. According to the hijacker: “The cop yelled Merry Christmas, motherfucker, then he shot me!”

Back to the caiman. What would a cop, confronted with this situation say? “Freeze.” The action was pretty much at a freeze point. Drop that weapon!” Would somebody wielding a caiman make the jump that the weapon the cop was referring to was the alligator? I don’t think so. That just leaves, “Drop that caiman!” That is a specific command but does not address what happens once a pissed off caiman is let loose among three idiots on a beach.

This brought to mind a circumstance that my former roommate “Heart Attack” found himself in. Heart Attack has been gone over ten years. At the time of the events I’m about to relate happened he was a college football player and frat rat. After the movie “Blazing Saddles” came out, people started calling him Mongo. At any rate he was leaving a party accompanied by another frat rat and some sorority chicks. Copious amounts of alcohol may have influenced events.

As they walked through the apartment complex, somebody noted the presence of freshly planted saplings. The trees were approximately eight to ten feet tall. I don’t know if the old, “You ain’t got a hair on your ass…” triggered what happened next or if it was a spontaneous act. But the next thing anybody knew Heart Attack was shirtless and wielding and uprooted sapling over his head like a club. If this was a an attempt at foreplay the effectiveness of the act will never be known.

At this point an off duty police officer, patrolling the complex in exchange for a free apartment, happened upon the tableau. According to his report: “I observed a shirtless white male waving a tree over his head and growling. Fearing that he would use the tree as a club, I drew my pistol and ordered him to DROP THAT TREE.” Instead of spending the night with Suzy Sorority Slut, Heart Attack ended up with Bubba.

Heart Attack went on to become a police officer and later an educator.

I’m torn. I read the article about the caiman and projected a command. It may or may not have been given. On the other hand, I know that Heart Attack was ordered to, “drop that tree!” It was in the police report. I later copied the report, had it framed and gave it to Heart Attack for his birthday.

Oh well, it just goes to show that when it comes to things cops see and do, reality trumps fiction.