We used to have a saying, “The Badge will get you pussy and pussy will get your badge.” Sometimes the offer for sex is quid pro quo and is not sincere.  Sometimes the offer of sex is just cutting another notch in the bed post.  Cops referred to them by a variety of names: badge bunnies, fender lizards, cop groupies, Jim’s waitresses.

Revenge of the Fender Lizard is about the plight of Oakland PD. Apparently an officer threw the moccasin head at an under age prostitute.  It is perfectly acceptable even, mandatory in police culture to brag about nailing a fender lizard, else how will fellow officers know where to form the line. She eventually bragged about it and names started coming out.  One officer committed suicide and officers now up into the double digits were implicated. Three Police Chiefs have come and gone in a matter of weeks and there is no end in sight.  I suspect the Chiefs were less than zealous in pursuing the allegations.

There was the plight of a Dallas motor jockey that stopped a sweet young thing just before shift change.  As he walked up to the car he observed her hike up her skirt and unbutton two buttons on her blouse.  When she turned to give the officer her driver’s license she rested her boobs on the door causing a push up effect.  She batted her eyes and seemed so cute and cuddly and willing he just couldn’t help himself.  He asked if she might be interested in joining him at the local no tell motel.  At this point cute and cuddly turned into a snarling vicious wildcat who accused him of things he hadn’t done but would if she wanted.  She ended the tirade by demanding to see his Sergeant.  Resigned the officer responded, “I guess that means a blowjob is totally out of the question?”

I seem to recall two Jim’s waitresses (a coffee shop), in the San Antonio area who once made the claim that they had delivered more blow jobs to SAPD officers than the entire police association wives, combined.  Nobody ever called them liars.  One used to run across the Chief at social events on a regular basis.  She treated him just like the young sergeant he had once been when her face was buried in his crotch on a regular basis.

There is a story that has made the rounds of TV shows and movies that nevertheless has a basis in fact.  A NYPD Captain was visiting a girlfriend when he suffered a fatal heart attack.  This girl, no dummy, quickly found the Captain’s driver and between the two of them they got him dressed and loaded into his patrol car.  The driver spent thee next two hours chasing shots fired calls all over the city until he found one that was still active.  He pushed the Captain out in an alley, gun in hand and called in an officer down.  The ME concluded that he had died of a heart attack.  No body bothered to ask where the heart attack happened.  The Captain got an “Inspector’s Funeral” and the widow got line of duty death benefits.

I am more concerned that these guys were diddling a prostitute.  As she points out, she was getting information from these patrol officers.  This aided her in her job, which means that it negatively impacted the Vice cops trying to do their job. I am concerned that the department faced with allegations of wrong doing apparently did not take it seriously enough to mount a credible investigation.

I am also concerned that the authority of the sergeants has been undermined so as to make them ineffective.  I say this because I suspect many of these guys were off duty, didn’t pay for her services and rationalized this as a “date”. This may have put them in a situation where department policy did not apply.  The supreme violation, in the old days was, “pissing off your sergeant.”  “Pissing Off” was a fluid term the defied definition, each sergeant knew it when he saw it. Once found guilty, without trial, or witnesses, there was no appeal.  The sentence was final and irrevocable.  Nothing ever appeared in a personnel file. The only cure was to un-piss off your sergeant.

In the meantime Oakland PD prepare for your first Lesbian Police Chief.