Liberal Hobbies

Have you noticed that liberal communities have a fixation when it comes to crap? Freud would have a field day! I guess it could be an indication that liberals never quite make it out of childhood. Unfortunately, liberals aren’t content with controlling their own bowel movements, but want to expand outward. Consider:

A great delicacy and some of the most expensive coffee one can consume started out life as a turd.

Touted as the rarest and most expensive coffee on earth, this coffee lives up to its reputation. Rich, strong flavored, and amazingly full-bodied, 
In case you haven’t figured it out, Kopi Luwak coffee comes from civet turds.

Continuing our turd journey, self righteous communities everywhere now require dog owners to pick up dog turds. Something that would disappear with the next rainstorm is encased in plastic for the enjoyment of future generations.

Next, there is the liberal fixation with cow flatulence.

The ultimate in shit obsession is found in San Francisco. San Francisco has made crapping in public the ultimate spectator sport. San Francisco has maps indicating where one may find a steaming pile of shit.

Different strokes. I am not sure that the San Francisco map will outpace the Los Angeles movie star map. From my point of view, follow either map and in the end you end up with a turd.

San Francisco has turned turds into a jobs bonanza. There are turd spotters, turd mappers, turd statisticians and turd clean up specialists. Pay and benefits for a turd clean up specialist is in the area of $70K.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – DECEMBER 08: San Francisco police officers look on as a San Francisco Department of Public Works worker steam cleans the street near a group of Occupy SF protestors on December 8, 2011 in San Francisco, California. Occupy SF protestors plan their next move as police continue to guard the former Occupy SF site a day after the encampment was raided and shut down. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

San Francisco might do well to look east, to the People’s Republic of Austin. With a little creativity, San Francisco could adapt Austin’s “Chicken Shit Bingo.” The San Francisco version could be called “Derelict Dump Bingo.”

For all the mapping and documentation, San Francisco leaves two philosophical questions unresolved.

“Does a bear shit in the woods?” (Does a wino crap in the park?) The map seems to indicate that street corners are preferred.

There is a possibility that the park land is under represented due to observation error. This leads to the second great philosophical conundrum. “If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” Rephrased to, “If a wino shits in the woods and nobody is there to step in it…”

I guess it’s pride in the simple things that matters.