Deny, Deny, Deny

This passes as news of the weird. To cops it’s, “is that all you got?” There is a reason crooks end up at the booking desk. They aren’t very bright.

Not my ass!

The Smoking Gun Reports that the rocket surgeon, pictured above, was in possession of three syringes when he was booked into jail. It is not unusual for jailers to find contraband on suspects during the booking process. He had stashed the syringes up his ass. This also is not unusual. Jailers have recovered knives and a cell phone stashed in such a manner. Female suspects have been found with guns in their vaginas.

This guy was notable because he claimed the syringes were not his!

I hate that when that happens! There he was minding his own business when a complete stranger shoved three syringes up his ass and asked him to hold them. We once arrested a biker chick with three ounces of methamphetamine stashed in her snatch. She said the dope wasn’t hers. We believed her, in that she was not going to be the beneficiary of the profits from the sale.

Usually, prior to searching for contraband, we would ask the suspect if he/she had any dope or needles on them. Surprisingly, suspects would reveal they had needles sometimes prior to being asked. Another common response never failed to lighten the mood.

Cop: “What have you got in your pockets?”
Crook: “They’re not my pants!”

I thought I had the record for most outrageous denial. It happened while I was on patrol. A fellow officer and I confronted a peeping tom who was masturbating as he looked in a window.

This particular crook had two tells when he was lying. His stutter became worse and he grinned with the smile growing to match the lie.

We engaged in a discussion about his activities. His stutter was so bad be was almost not understandable and his grin stretched from ear to ear. I decided to put him out of his misery, with one last question. I pointed to his now flaccid penis, still hanging out of his fly.

Cop: “What’s your thing doing out?”

Crook: Complete with shoulder shrug and palms up and an even bigger grin, his answer: “It’s not my thing!”

Note that in the Smoking Gun story, the crook retrieved the syringes on his own. This only after he saw the jailers were about to conduct a cavity search. He then produced the syringes, stating that he had “found” them. This is called the Cheech and Chong defense.

It is obvious he was on his way to the police station to turn the syringes in. He put them in a secure place so that nobody would steal them.