Alabama executed an inmate using nitrogen gas. Liberals are up in arms. They claim that it took four minutes before the guest of honor stopped moving. Guess they never heard of a dying quiver. Maybe, there is room for debate. Is nitrogen hypoxia painful? The only person who knows for sure is unavailable for comment.
I would like to propose an alternative. It would actually kill two birds with one stone. Shove the condemned headfirst into a woodchipper. I’m betting any movement by the condemned, once into the machine, is likely caused by gravity. The roar of the motor and whirl of the blades would likely drown out any cries by the soon to be departed. This would spare liberal sensitivities. The condemned could be issued ear protection to meet OSHA requirements to protect the inmate’s hearing.
The second advantage is that there is no need for a cemetery plot. I’m guessing that Alabama being a rural state has a robust prison industry and maintains truck farms to grow vegetables for inmate consumption. Recycling at its best! Mulch.
Such a sendoff would likely be the first time that the condemned actually provided a benefit to a larger community.
This is such a great idea that I will forego my customary fee of a quarter and offer it for free.
