A local tweaker went to jail because the cops were bored.  You won’t find this in any report. But like Johnny Carson’s great mind reader, Carnac the Magnificent, I can relate to you how it went down.

Two cops were bored, they were surfing the Internet and found an article offering to test drugs for Ebola.  What followed next was a spirited debate with one cop advocating that such an appeal would work and the other dead set against it.

The debate was ended and Ms. Hopson’s fate was sealed when a Texas challenge used throughout Texas history was voiced, “You ain’t got a hair on your ass!”

Those words were spoken just before Col. Travis drew his line in the sand at the Alamo.  They were spoken again just before Ranger Captain Jack C Hays said, “think I’ll ride to the top of Enchanted Rock and look around”. This ride triggered a gun battle that would make Samuel Colt’s reputation as a gun maker.  It was heard again just before LBJ said, “How about a parade in Dallas, Dealey Plaza is nice this time of year.

They put out a warning about the possibility that the local methamphetamine might be contaminated with Ebola.  They offered free testing for Ebola Meth. You might think, even a tweaker can’t be that stupid.  You would be wrong. Chastity Hopson showed up to have her meth tested.  She went to jail.

The usual suspects are outraged that the police would lie to a tweaker.  Cue the ACLU. Tom Smith decries the fact that Chastity was arrested rather than given the chance for treatment. Tom Smith is the director Public Citizen a public advocacy group.

Mr. Smith kick your boots off your desk, so your feet are no longer higher than your ass and grab your telephone.  The District Attorney for Burnet County otherwise known as the 33rd and 424th Judicial District is Wiley B McAfee. His telephone number is (512) 756-5449.  Use it, advocate for Ms. Hopson.

Tell Mr. McAfee your group is ready willing and able to help the downtrodden, that you’ll gladly pick up the cost of treatment, housing assistance and job retraining for her.  The conversation shouldn’t take any longer than the one that produced the sound byte.

Come on Mr. Smith, “you haven’t got a hair on your ass….”