I got to talking with Bert and Ernie the two greatest criminal investigators that ever “shit between police shoes” that is if they could shit. They premised their remarks with their now famous observation: “Which one of these things is not like another, which one of these things are not the same.”

On June 3, 2009, David Carradine checked into a four-star hotel, Swissotel Nai Lert Park in Bangkok, Thailand. He could never leave. He was found dead in his room the victim of autoerotic suffocation. For those of you not familiar with the term, autoerotic suffocation happens when a sole practitioner seeks to heighten the effect of orgasm while “choking the chicken and simultaneously chokes themselves. Usually, there is a safety mechanism designed to release the chokehold. Sometimes it doesn’t work. When that happens the deceased is found in a state where they were coming and going at the same time. Things get colorful when multiple fetishes are involved such as woman’s underwear.

On June 8, 2018, Anthony Bourdain was found hanging in his hotel room, five-star, La Chambard. The coroner in France has ruled Boudain’s death a suicide. Several of Bourdain’s celebrity friends expressed anger that he checked out in such a fashion. I don’t recall anybody expressing disdain for David Carradine’s abrupt departure.

Five-star hotels may rest on their laurels. Four-star hotels appear willing to go the extra mile in taking care of their guests. A quick reach around when he really needed it and David Carradine went out a pervert, perfectly acceptable in liberal circles. Tony didn’t get the reach around and goes out a self-destructive loser.