Fox news breathlessly announces that Lori Loughlin got to choose her own prison. People may get the impression that the fix was in. Guess who else gets to choose where the do their time? Just about everybody. Even better a prospective inmate can arrive via limo, if they choose.

https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/inside-lori-loughlin-prison-college-admissions-scandal

Here’s the deal. If one is convicted in the Federal system and is out on bond, the judge can elect to continue the bond. One the best floor shows in town was to listen to U.S. District Judge Fred Biery of the Western District of Texas explain the process to future inmates. There are guys selling timeshares that wish that they were that smooth.

The Judge would explain that the Bureau of Prisons would be in touch. They would advise the prospective inmate of the incarceration options available to them. The options were dictated by the length of sentence and space availability. Future inmates could also consider facilities based on the variety of occupations and interests on offer.

Finally, the prospective guest would be given a report date. The defendant could turn himself in to the nearest United States Marshal office. An alternative would be to make their own way to the prison complex on the date and time specified. There were advantages and disadvantages to either method.

Turning oneself in to the local Marshal office would then entail a leisurely bus ride. The trip could take a day, a week or a month. It was a great way to see the country, all expenses paid.

The other alternative was to make one’s own travel arrangements. The prison had no provision for long term parking so driving oneself to prison was frowned upon. Another problem the prospective guest is faced with is location, location, location. Many facilities are not located near travel hubs and are decidedly rural.

A career criminal of my acquaintance described the problem. Based in San Antonio, he opted for confinement in Texarkana, roughly eight hours by car from San Antonio. He couldn’t find anybody willing to make the drive. He didn’t want to spend his last night as a free man in a motel in Texarkana. He had to be at the prison by noon. Taking a bus was not an option. He found out that he could fly to Dallas and then transfer to a puddle jump airline. This would get him to Texarkana by about eleven. The prison complex was about fifteen miles from the airport. He figured that a taxi could make the trip with time to spare. He booked the flight.

Best laid plans. If everything worked as scheduled he had plenty of time. That didn’t happen. First the flight was delayed. He got into Dallas and only made his flight to Texarkana by sprinting through the airport. Then the puddle jump was delayed. Upon landing in Texarkana the cushion was down to a half hour. Outside the terminal the taxi rank was empty. He had to wait five minutes. He caught a cab and directed the driver to the prison and step on it. The driver wasn’t in any hurry. The crook is panicking. He is an old hand at doing time. Arriving late is no way to begin a relationship with the corrections staff. He found himself throwing five dollar bills at the driver urging him to go faster. The driver pulled up to the reception center at five minutes to twelve. The crook bolted from the cab and began running towards the entry.

As he put it. I’ve been a crook all of my life. I spent a great deal of time avoiding cops and trying not to get caught. I have spent thousands of dollars on attorneys to keep me out. Now I found myself spending money, running and shouting to the CO to hold the door. I used to worry about going to prison. Now I was worried I wouldn’t get there on time. The only saving grace is that according to the CO I wasn’t the first and certainly won’t be the last to make the dash.