Lost in Space

International Space Station smells awful because astronauts fart more in space

According to Tim Peake, the International Space Station smells ‘like a barbecue gone wrong’ after he revealed that astronauts fart more when launched into space

I have never been in space, but this isn’t a revelation to me. I’ve experienced the phenomena without ever leaving earth. Confined space, crammed with people, limited air circulation, mid-August; it ain’t rocket science.

The vehicle I was in wasn’t a rocket ship or a space station. Nope, we called it a jump out van. It is a simple concept. Take a nondescript windowless van, cram six narcs into the back. Park it in a parking lot with the motor off, windows closed, and no air-conditioning. It is supposed to appear unoccupied. Throw in a “wire” so that those assembled can listen to an undercover drink cold beer, while seated in his air-conditioned car and talk on the phone with the crook he is to meet. “You’re gonna be late, no problem, take your time.” Note to the uninitiated dopers are always late. When they take the time to call, that means they’re gonna be really late.

Back in the van, the bust team waits. I swear it is possible to hear sweat trickle down one’s back. It doesn’t have the same calming effect as a babbling brook. Narcs have a saying, “If it is worth doing it is worth doing to excess!” Remember the campfire scene from “Blazing Saddles?” Pikers one and all. A fart in a jump out van is the announcement of a competition. First liar and farter hasn’t got a chance! What follows is reminiscent of an artillery duel with salvos exchanged with fury and great glee. Through all of this the doors and windows remain closed-operational security don’t you know?

The appearance of the crook, the consummated deal and the bust signal (Looks like good shit!) Ah the irony, is anticlimactic. The doors of the jump out van burst open, the jump out team deploys and within thirty seconds the crook is face down on the pavement in handcuffs, his dreams of broads, blow jobs and Beamers shattered.

Those were fun times.

Been there done that!
(I have never met these guys, but I know them via shared experiences.)