Dr Swift’s Free Spa Day Goes to Debbie Wasserman Schultz



Wasserman Schultz dismissed the argument that what she called “common sense gun safety laws” would infringe upon Second Amendment rights to keep and bear arms.

“You do not have the right to bear bullets,” Wasserman Schultz said at a news conference at the Pembroke Pines Police Department, where she was joined by political leaders, a police representative and teachers and students from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.

What’s a modern woman to do when the weight of the world rests squarely on her shoulders with nothing less than the fate of humanity in the balance? On top of that, the woman is operating under the severe deficit of being Debbie Wasserman-Schultz?

I 1966 Mick Jagger offered a possible solution in the form of little yellow pill:

Kids are different today, I hear every mother say
Mother needs something today to calm her down
And though she’s not really ill, there’s a little yellow pill
She goes running for the shelter of a mother’s little helper
And it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day

The seventies exploded the myth that Valium was the answer to every mother’s prayer.

It turns out that the malady was well understood in 1880 Victorian England, as was the cure. So in an effort to help Debie Wasserman Schultz find her happy place, we are offering her an all expense paid trip to DR Swift’s Spa for one of his invigorating treatments.

It turns out that Dr. Swift’s treatment never went out of vogue in the livestock industry, as illustrated in the following photo:

Everybody knows that Borden’s Elsie is a Happy Cow!