I think most of psychology is a bad joke. About the only time I resort to quoting psychology is when I’m setting up a joke. This whole Chinese virus toilet paper thing is ready made for humor. The world may end, but the toilet paper hoarders hope to go out with a clean bum.

This joke kind of puts things into context.

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don’t like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.

You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, “TIMES UP”?

The moral of the story, you can accept what is presented or do something.

Used to be Americans stepped up to a challenge.

• 

• 

• 

• 

I guess those times are past.

Are empty shelves where toilet paper was once displayed an indication of the current state of mind of Americans? Freud coined the term “anal retentive.” The term is out of favor now. It has been replaced by Obsessive-compulsive disorder. Be that as it may, here is a definition.

anal retentive A mild form of obsessive-compulsive disorder. A collection of very irritating personality traits that include stubbornness, orderliness, and a desire to control others and their surroundings. It makes a person meticulous or fixated about little things, nit-picking or paying extreme attention to detail, and trying to control his or her environment and other people. They do things “by the book’’ with no flexibility in the way they complete tasks, and expect others to do and think as they. It’s their way or the highway, basically.

Psychologists say that anally retentive people’s habits—often controlling—stem from lack of being breast fed as an infant. Basically, people who are anally retentive act like they have something up their butt.

Anally retentive people are usually very annoying as a result and may have a hard time making and keeping friends.

Urban Dictionary

Rather than take charge American’s are now supposed to sit quietly.

• 

• 

• 

• 

This current crisis seems to ignore another psychological concept, called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I checked, toilet paper doesn’t fit on Maslow’s chart.

Ammunition and guns do fit on Maslow’s Chart

Guns and ammo can aid in meeting basic needs (food, water security and safety)

• 

• 

• 

• 

Go back to the joke that started this chain of thought. A Rolex is nice, but of limited use. Charmin may ease the go. It can be replaced with other methods. The New York Times isn’t much of a newspaper and probably not much better as toilet paper, but it will do. Don’t get the Times? There is always the wife’s Waterpick, in a pinch it is a bidet. For the historically inclined try a “xylospongium’’’ or ‘’’tersorium. That’s Roman for sponge on a stick. It met the needs of a whole squad of soldiers. This is not to be confused with meat on a stick, Shish Kabarb.

• 

• 

It is true that guns and ammo are not suited to butt wiping. However, they will serve to keep what is yours, yours. Non gun owners will immediately jump to the conclusion that this statement advocates violence. Not necessarily so. Guns and ammunition are acceptable items for barter.

Knowledge that a particular person or place was well protected may cause a predator to ply their trade somewhere else.

Keep in mind a liberal’s vision of a dystopian future. The knowledge to farm, lost, manufacture soap and most clothing, gone. The ability to manufacture guns an ammo, nope. The only skill left over from better times? The ability to manufacture push up bras. A boob in hand is a wonderful thing, but not worth a shit in a fight.