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Gift Ideas

Coming up on the season.

I’m old, that may be part of the problem. We used to talk about folks who came up with solutions to non-existent problems. What follows are some kitchen gadgets that one might consider as a Christmas gift. They could be ideal for people you don’t like. They might be attractive to the gadget freaks. Mostly, I’m not impressed.

I noticed that some of the gadgets seem to have a common theme. Here are just some of the things inventors hope you can’t live without.

For Kids

A condiment dispenser shaped like a gun.
Send your kid to school with this. School lunches will never be the same!
I remember roasting marshmallows over a fire or charcoal grill. Smores hadn’t been invented yet. The whole attraction was that you got to play with fire! Microwavable smores… it just isn’t the same. Making smores was all about the process. Folks wonder why kids are fat.

Some Clean Up Required

Jackson Pollock inspired kitchen utensils.
This device ensures that bacon grease is distributed throughout the microwave.
Don’t worry about dribbling…the fan will take care of that shirtfront.
So people to stupid to get spaghetti on a fork can turn the crank and get it on the wall.
I don’t like these things in a public restroom. Why would I want one in my house? See above. Never mind.

Dubious Dual Use

I’m with Alton Brown, a useful kitchen gadget must have multiple uses. Let’s see vegetable holder and French tickler for one’s thumb. That will work.
See above, fork and Hemorrhoid scratcher. I’ll pass.

Hopeless

Too stupid to manipulate a butter knife?
Replace it with a device with multiple moving parts.
Anybody who thinks this is a good idea shouldn’t be allowed to drink coffee.
If it shows shades of green, gray or has fur throw it out. What’s so hard about that?

Nothing Says I Love You Like….

Got a hot date? Want to impress her? Break out these babies. An ice tray that turns out diamond shaped cubes. If she is impressed congratulations! You are going to get laid.
The morning after the big date leave her a sweet message. Dear what’syourface…. If she was impressed with the fancy ice it can also be used to draw pictures.
Breakfast is always appreciated. WARNING! Do not use in conjunction with the ice cubes!
Finally keep sharp objects away from irate dates.