Mark Hensch, a staff writer for “The Hill” has personally solved the global warming crisis. In an article about Kiefer Sutherland, Hensch identifies George Wallace, former Democratic Governor of Alabama, and former Democratic Presidential candidate in 1964 and 1972, as a Republican.

According to unnamed sources at the University of Alabama,seismograph readings taken near the former Governor’s burial plot show steadily increasing activity resulting in a decrease in temperatures locally.

Noted local physic Dr. Yagottabelieve Jones maintains a spiritual link with the governor and his wife Lureen. According to Mrs. Wallace when George heard himself described as a Republican he began spinning in his grave, slowly at first, but with increasing velocity.

The University is monitoring the site and trying to come up with a way to tap into the power generated at the grave.  They estimate that the current output, if harnessed, would meet all of Alabama’s electrical needs for the next fifty years. According to Lureen, other residents of the cemetery have taken to calling the former governor, “Whirling Wally” which has only served to increase the spin rate.

Ms. Wallace, by way of Dr. Jones, blames Hensch for the current state of affairs.  “If Mr. Hensch had just stuck to the standard liberal talking points and referred to Mr. Wallace as a racist, bigot, hate monger and democrat everything would have been okay,” she said.  “Thirty seconds on Wikipedia would have prevented this…To refer to George as a Republican is just more than he could stand.”