Cow-farts-can-now-be-regulated-in-California. Consider this simple sentence. What does it mean? This could lead to hours of entertainment. As a statement of philosophy, it could replace: “How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

It apparently means that state legislators are deluded enough to believe that by passing a law they can change the digestive processes of cattle.  At minimum they can now form legislative committees, a state regulatory organization to oversee research, adopt proposals, promulgate regulations and enforce fines to ensure compliance.

The article states:

One of the main methane culprits: manure. Per the bill, dairy farmers have to cut methane emissions to 40 percent below 2013 levels by 2030. Under a cap-and-trade plan, farmers will receive aid from the $50 million or so raised via polluter fees, which they can then put toward machinery that uses methane to create energy they can in turn sell to electric companies. If farmers are in the energy business who produces the food that farmers no longer produce?

The state’s Air Resources Board can also now regulate bovine flatulence, as long as there are practical ways to reduce the cows’ belching and breaking wind. 

I know! I know! All cattle must be orientated in narrow east west valleys, with all of them facing west. At the eastern end of the valley build wind farms.  The cliffs will channel the winds. Methane is heavier than air, the resulting methane driven breeze will power the wind farms.  Wait that won’t work.  The east west valleys may impede the progress of wetbacks on their way north. Make it north south valleys, fixed.

One thing about cattle herds and pastures. The herds are constantly moving. They eat the grass and leave behind manure. This manure is not beneficial, if you want to play football in the pasture. This why it must be picked up.  But for all other purposes in nature, this is a an ideal set up. Manure is fertilizer. Cattle drop it, with a plop, plop that is audible for some distance around. This signals the birds that a hot meal is being served. The birds scratch through the steaming piles of manure, spreading it and eat the seeds. The birds are not particularly efficient and leave more seed behind than they consume.  The seed is incorporated into the soil, providing next year’s ground cover and the lunch menu for future steaks. Gathering up the manure breaks the cycle. I guess that is one way to reduce emissions, have 40% less available land and feed for hungry cattle.

I have long thought that there was a single unifying disease or defect that would explain how supposedly intelligent people can disregard a wide spectrum of thought to think that limiting cow flatulence was a good idea and achievable. One could point to the DSM-5. In layman’s terms the DSM-5 defines “Batshit Crazy”. I have no doubt that every deviation known to man and documented in the DSM-5 can be found in the California Legislature. I just don’t think you can get such a diverse set of wackos, as found in the legislature and described in the DSM-5, to work together.

I had just about settled on:Narcissistic Personality Disorder as a likely cause but realized that it doesn’t go far enough.  Here is a description of Narcissistic Personality Disorder as reported in Psychology Today. It involves arrogant behavior, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration-all of which must be consistently evident at work and in relationships. People who are narcissistic are frequently described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. Narcissists may concentrate on unlikely personal outcomes (e.g., fame) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. Related Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic. Narcissism is a less extreme version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives, and vanity-a love of mirrors. Related personality traits include: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism.

Narcissists tend to have high self-esteem. However, narcissism is not the same thing as self-esteem; people who have high self-esteem are often humble, whereas narcissists rarely are. It was once thought that narcissists have high self-esteem on the surface, but deep down they are insecure. However, the latest evidence indicates that narcissists are actually secure or grandiose at both levels. Onlookers may infer that insecurity is there because narcissists tend to be defensive when their self-esteem is threatened (e.g., being ridiculed); narcissists can be aggressive. The sometimes dangerous lifestyle may more generally reflect sensation-seeking or impulsivity (e.g., risky sex, bold financial decisions).

Close but no cigar. I walked around it. Kicked the tires and noticed a few whiskey dents in my theory that I hadn’t notice before.  I realized  what was missing.  It isn’t just the presence of a new theory of the universe, there is also the absence of an old theory.  The environmental movement rejects religion, there is no faith.

An old time farmer works the fields six days and on the seventh rests while in church. He accepts what cannot be changed. Cows fart.  They also shit. Sometimes they do it in or on inconvenient places; on each other, in the feed bucket and in the stock tank. It would never occur on the rancher to call upon God to make the cows stop shitting by 40% by 2030. In their world God has more important thinks to do.

The fact that God hasn’t already taken steps to eliminate emissions by 40% is proof to the environmental movement that God doesn’t exist.  If anything is going to get done, only man can do it.  They would prefer to put their faith in man, an entity that routinely and demonstrably screws up on a regular basis than a God who can only be accused of ignoring them.

Of course all those legislators have an ace in the hole for when beef, milk and cheese production drops by 40%.  They can just go shopping at Ralph’s.