There are some cultural traits I guess just won’t translate. I saw the headline and without going further assumed that somebody made a mistake and the whole thing was  accidental. Nope. Japanese-theme-park-apologizes-freezing-5000-fish-skating-rink-closes-attraction.

I thought that the park had bought water for the theme park and sucked up a bunch of fish, that were then frozen in the skating rink. I don’t know if they bought the water, they did buy the fish and then inserted the fish into the skating rink as the water froze. They made elaborate designs using dead fish. They wrote out messages, using dead fish. The picture above gives the reader a taste of the exhibit.

The park says that they had no idea the people would find the exhibit offensive.

I remember growing up in Massachusetts we spent most of September, October and November preparing our skating area for the winter season. Eternal optimists our skating area was several hundred acres, the majority of which was dry. It was a meadow surrounded on three sides by swamp with a stream flowing through it. First,we had to dam the stream. A workforce of 10 to 15 year olds would assemble after school and on Saturday and Sunday to build a dam to block the stream at the eastern end.

Eventually the meadow would flood to a depth of about two feet. In the meantime we had to contend with the next problem. The meadow grass was three to four feet tall. It would stick through the ice and ruin the ice skating experience. One moment a skater is barrelling along, hits a grass stalk, and comes to a complete stop. The skate does, the skater lands on their face. So before the flood, oftentimes in conjunction with Armistice Day, we would burn the meadow. It would start off as a controlled burn but then somebody would call the fire department. It was all great fun even if the firefighters didn’t think so.

With the grass gone and the waters rising we next build a fire ring, dragged logs to set around it and then gathered firewood. The forest fires hadn’t satisfied our pyromaniacal tendencies. Usually, right about now, we would get that cold snap that would begin freeing over our skating spot.

Once the ice was safe, we had a huge clear area for skating. The surrounding swap was frozen and presented a rabbit warren of trails that one could follow. It was possible to skate for miles over pristine ice. This would all change with the first snowfall.

Viewing the picture above, this is where I was heading the whole time. With the first snowfall all the neighborhood kids were back out with every snow shovel. Snow allowed to remain on the ice would make it very rough to skate on. So the priority was to get the snow off the ice. The area was so large there wasn’t any realistic hope of doing so. So our skating vistas were drawn in considerably. The only thing we could do is wait for a thaw followed by another freeze.

I look at the photo and see our ice issues were relatively minor after all. Skaters in Japan are confronted with something between a Ginsu commercial and a slasher movie.

There is only one thing that can be said when a promotion goes that wrong,”Honest, how was I supposed to know that turkeys can’t fly?”