Bureau of Prisons Explains

Epstein hangs himself while on suicide watch. Three, two one… CONSPIRACY! There is a perfectly reasonable explanation. According to my informant, this is what the Federal Bureau of Prisons had to say.

I believe them because my government has never lied to me.

Bureau of Prisons Spokesman

“In retrospect, I guess the shipment of timbers and all that hammering and sawing coming from Epstein’s cell should have been a tip off. We just thought it was a prison industry project. You know, busy hands are happy hands. How were we to know?”

Prison spokesman
Epstein’s prison industry project
One last screwing