FBI Director Statement has just issued a statement that Hillary will face no charges.  I understand completely.  It brought me back to an incident that happened over twenty-two years ago.  I was mad as hell at the time, but then I realized I had experienced BOHICA* at the hands of a master.  You know what they say, you gotta give the devil his due…

It was a Friday night.  I don’t know why, but we always seemed to put together these Rube Goldberg type of operations on Friday nights.  Often we wouldn’t get home until noon on Saturday.  By Rube Goldberg I mean lots of moving parts, complicated strategies, branching alternatives and on the fly adjustments, all designed to take out a group of related suspects.

If I recall correctly, undercover investigators had been buying cocaine from a guy who worked in a self serve gas station.  “I’ll have $20 on pump three and an eightball.” They managed to identify the dealer’s connection and through him identify the ultimate supplier.  The object of tonight’s exercise was to buy bust the guy in the gas station and his connection.  Once they were secured we would attempt to “flip” one of the two we had in custody, so that we could obtain enough information to get a search warrant for the supplier.

Simple, arrest two guys with enough speed and surprise that they are unable to communicate their plight to anybody. We had to do it in such a manner that the 100’s of people passing by the gas station didn’t notice anything.  Transport the defendants twenty-five miles to county jail and place them in isolation, so that they can’t notify anybody.  Finally, take the information gained, reduce it to a search warrant affidavit, and drive the same twenty-five miles to get it signed. Reassemble investigators into a functional raid team and hit the target residence.

The first part of the operation went without incident.  The buy bust went down and the gas station guy and his connection couldn’t spill their guts fast enough. One fact that came out that we weren’t aware of is that these guys were absolutely terrified of the connection.  According to them this guy would turn both Chuck Norris and Sly Stallone into his “bitches.” When the Army needed weapons they came to him.  We shut down the gas station for the night and moved to a back alley.  Investigators were sent out to set up surveillance at the target.  The UC guys completed their warrant application and set out to get it signed.  This left the transport of two suspects.

This left me with a big titted blonde K-9 handler.  It was generally conceded that when the Bimbo was in the car with her dog, the dog was the brains of the outfit.  She was what I had.  Not having a great deal of faith in her I went the extra mile.  I went over each piece of paper in the booking paperwork. I drew a map so she wouldn’t get lost going to the magistrate’s office.  I drew a diagram of the magistrate’s office indicating which door she should use. This, just in case the steady stream of handcuffed prisoners and uniformed officers wasn’t enough. I explained that all the holding cells were equipped with telephones and that in this case phones were bad.  The way to circumvent the phones was to tell the jailer, “these guys need to be placed in isolation-officer safety.”

During this instruction, with frequent pauses for phrases like, “do you understand?”, “do you have any questions?”, “is this clear?” and each time receiving an Unh-huh, yep, Okay, I was under the mistaken impression that we had a meeting of the minds.  I was watching carefully, no rapid eye movement indicating REM sleep, no drool, and never a discouraging word.

You can guess by now what happened. She walked these guys into the Magistrate’s Office and handed them over with nary a word.  Jailers make notes, there weren’t any on the booking paperwork. The undercover guys got there search warrant and while working their way through the booking area, spotted one of our crooks on the telephone.  They quickly alerted me to the fact that we had possibly been compromised.

We ended up executing the warrant with three narcs and three pistol toting paramedics.  The paramedics are all peace officers, but their value is their medical skill.  Happy ending nobody got hurt and the bad guy got arrested.

Once back at the office, I expressed my frustration with the performance of the Bimbo.  He took exception, he had no reason to question her performance, she worked very closely under him, over him, standing up and in front of him.

He ordered an investigation, it must be exhaustive and complete.  The results weren’t long in coming.  Everything that I reported occurred as reported.  The instruction were specific and detailed, there were diagrams, feedback was solicited but not forth coming.  It was clear, I fucked up, it was my fault.

Given the Bimbo’s obvious limitations as a sentient being, it was not enough to rely on her assurances that she had no questions and that she understood. I should have made her repeat back to me each step she was to take and the sequence in which they were to occur. Since I didn’t do any of those things there was no way of knowing what she understood and when she understood it.

So there you have it Hillary is qualified to run the free world, but is not allowed to touch office equipment.

*BOHICA Bend Over Here It Comes Again