My buddy Ken gave me a heads up on the latest Drew Peterson story, drew-peterson-gets-40-years-in-prison-for-murder-for-hire-plot.  He was upset that Peterson, a probable serial murder, is still identified as a police officer.  Even though he was not a police officer at the time he committed this offense, was tried and convicted. He has a point. But I’m afraid we’re stuck with Peterson.

News editors do not have any imagination.  Headlines are not designed to inform the readership, but to rope them in.  If you put a news editor into the context of a carnival barker outside the “Freak Show” exhibit, then, you begin to have a true understanding of their role in the world. Among other things, editors rely on formulas.  Never in the history of the SUV, according to editors, has the driver of an SUV been responsible for a crash.  Think of the headlines you have read, “SUV Kills Five,” “Out of Control SUV….”, “Local Man Struck, Killed by SUV”. Never a driver involved.

Another old standby is the, “What are the Odds?” story.  On September 17, 2015 The Dodo reported a group of elephants sought human assistance after being shot with poison arrows: elephants-travel-humans-help-.  Not to be outdone, The Telegraph reports on June 2, 2016 that Ben the elephant arrived at an animal sanctuary seeking medical treatment: wounded-elephant-appears-to-plead-for-help.  We’re not done yet, “Tusker Tim” showed up on, July 4, 2016, at a vet clinic: elephant-with-spear-ear-seeks-treatment/.  Tusker Tim is a returning patient. Finally, there is an unconfirmed report, I have the story on my desk somewhere, that an elephant at the Milwaukee Zoo signed up for Obamacare.  These stories seem to come in clusters and are designed to make the reader believe the unusual is the usual. 

Editors belabor the obvious.  This is where my buddy Ken gets it wrong. Ken is a retired cop, as am I.  Cops fall in two general categories and a zillion subcategories. There are cops that we care to associate with. I’ll call them cops cops. Cops cops leave the house everyday and no matter the assignment stand ready to answer the call. They work hard, play hard, and when they get knocked down they dust themselves off and say let’s do it again.  The second category of cops are made up of bureaucrats, charlatans, and bullies.

Most cops are cops cops, but the charlatans have made significant inroads into supervision, management and support positions. Charlatans do not like cops.  In fact, Charlatans will often object to being called a cop, they are quick to correct the speaker, that’s police officer, to you. The thought of actually doing police work terrifies them.  Charlatans thrive in an atmosphere where they can avoid responsibility for their actions and at the same time shamelessly self promote themselves.  So why is Ken so upset with Peterson?

Any Cop or anybody who has ever seen three episodes of “Blue Bloods” knows that there are certain rules that just aren’t violated. Once those rules are violated, only bad shit can happen.

RULE # 1 Do not talk to the guy in the cell next to you. By being there he has demonstrated that his criminal competence level is no better that yours.  You have both been caught, when the object of the game is not to get caught.

RULE # 2 When the guy in the cell next to you says, “Trust me, I can help.” He is being truthful, as far as it goes.  However, the complete sentence is, “Trust me, I can help, me.” There are no co-conspirators in jail, just defendants and witnesses against defendants.

Peterson decided it was a good idea to trust a jail house snitch to carry out a “hit” (murder) on a court participant.  This action violated Rule #1 and Rule #2.  This seriously undermines his claim that he was ever a cop, within Ken’s definition of the term.  Unfortunately, to the editors of the world, that is a distinction without a difference.