Stupid Crook Tricks

Just another example of why one shouldn’t fart with abandon.

I was almost out of wind running but luckily the suspect still had some. I heard him letting rip and followed the noises to a bush.

PC Fenton of Nottinghamshire Police,

I found an open door at a health club one night. It was about two in the morning. I didn’t have any back up and no prospect for any. I unlimbered my shotgun and made my way into the building. I cleared the exercise area. As I made my way into the locker room I heard somebody cough.

I racked the shot gun. There is nothing louder or more distinctive than the sound of a pump shotgun chambering a round. I got a response to sound of the shotgun action in the form of a very loud, rather drawn out fart. It came from one of the toilet stalls. Before I could announce myself a voice yelled, “don’t shoot.”

After the funk cleared I found the manager and her boyfriend. She was in an adjoining stall. Not my top choice of a location for a romantic interlude.

I knew a county attorney who advocated the inclusion of a suspect’s bodily functions in the police report. He claimed that he had never gone to trial on a DWI case when the officer noted in the report that the suspect had urinated or defecated on himself.

I maintain that officers can avoid using a Taser and possibly deescalate a situation by pointing out that a byproduct of being Tased is loss of bodily control. It is tough playing “billy bad ass” in jail, once you have pissed all over yourself.