I was a cop for thirty years. I had the dubious pleasure of stepping and fetching for the FBI. Nobody outside the FBI works for the FBI. Communication with the FBI is one way. Cops give the FBI takes. I had better luck with the ATF and DEA. They displayed some Fed idiosyncrasies but generally they got along with local agencies. Then there was the Secret Service. The SS were like Big Foot, cops occasionally got a fleeting glimpse of the Secret Service. But the picture was out of focus and fleeting, especially when it came to the workings of the protective detail.

https://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2024/09/a-secret-service-story.php

Powerline has a story about the SS doing a protective sweep at a recent funeral. Agents checked those entering the church for weapons with metal detecting wands. They did not check the people already inside. The individual making the report was already inside the church and armed. He remained undetected.

Years ago, Blow Job Bill Clinton, the serial rapist, appeared in Alamo Plaza to give a speech. The SS sealed off the plaza and set up walk through metal detectors at various access control points. The democratic faithful showed up and the access control points were quickly overwhelmed. There were two problems. First, for many attending, they didn’t speak English. The SS didn’t speak Spanish. The crowd were unable to follow instructions. Secondly, SS agents tried to explain that the process was the same as if they were going to the airport. The crowd had no frame of reference since most had never flown.

My buddy who was telling this story was an ATF agent pressganged into assisting the SS. He noted the lack of understanding and offered an explanation that the crowd could understand. He announced that the process was just like when they went to Bexar County jail on visiting day. This the crowd understood. They lined up and emptied their pockets.

Another ATF agent got Shanghaied to Detroit to protect Blow Job Bill. He found himself working the midnight shift outside the serial rapist’s suite. Only one elevator had access to that floor and people using it were screened in the lobby. The elevator made no other stops. The protective detail would get a heads up when the elevator was enroute.

They were more than a little surprised when the elevator stopped on their floor without warning and out popped Markie Post of “Night Court” fame. The ATF agent stepped forward confront her but was waved off by the SS crew chief. Markie who staggered to BJ Bill’s room and was promptly admitted. She stayed several hours. From that point forward, he referred to the SS as pimps with badges.

There are some things that the SS does well. What are they? Can’t tell… its secret.