Nomination For a Hero Badge

You can’t make this up! I guess this is the police equivalent of a bank shot. Cop attempts to Taze a suspect. One of the probes strikes his backup officer. This causes the backup officer to flinch and accidently discharge his weapon. The AD strikes the suspect in the shoulder. The suspect apologizes for setting off the whole chain of events.

Let’s see Hollywood beat that!

I recall a shooting incident that occurred while I was assigned to a narcotics task force. I didn’t witness the event. I was thirty miles across town warning a person that the suspect my fellow officers eventually shot had made death threats against that individual.

We ran a search warrant on the suspect days earlier and arrested him. He blamed an innocent third party and vowed to kill them because they were a “snitch”. He made the threat to the actual snitch, who in turn contacted me.

This master criminal then bought a gas can and gasoline at a stop and rob store one block from our office. He saved the receipt it was later found in his car. Our office was situated next to a set of railroad tracks. Did I mention that a train was passing? I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that at least five cars were stopped waiting for the train to clear the intersection. What do you call folks in that situation?

When this criminal mastermind pulls into the parking lot of our offices and lobs the flaming gas can at the front door there is a word for those folks waiting for the train. They are called witnesses.

During his escape the crook almost collides with a pair of narcs arriving back at the office. Let’s see…. squealing tires, building on fire, people at the railroad crossing, jumping up and down and pointing at the getaway vehicle, the narcs added it all up and concluded that was a clue. They set off in pursuit of the fleeing felon.

This guy wasn’t done yet. He pulled into a subdivision that only had one way in and consequently out. The intrepid narcs were hot on his tail. The crook pulled into a driveway and the narcs used their g-ride to block him in. “Gotchya,” they thought. But the crook wasn’t done. He rammed the g-ride, striking it so hard that the passenger officer had his gun knocked out of his hand. Rather than search for his weapon he opened the glovebox and grabbed his partner’s pistol and commenced to play catch up. The crook backed away. The driver retrieved his pistol from his partner. The passenger officer began a search for his own gun. Not done, the crook once again rammed the g-ride. This time the driver officer began shooting. The fight ended when the crook received a prefrontal lobotomy by means of a 40 caliber. Two shooters, one gun.

The snitch that started the whole chain of events visited the crook at the hospital. The crook’s family assured the snitch that the crook was just fine, back to his normal old self. Proof positive that portions of the brain aren’t needed at all.