Memories

This photo triggered several memories. During my thirty years as a cop I probably did CPR about fifty times. I was never successful.

The first time I did CPR I was a rookie cop. I responded to a call for a “man down.” The guy was lying in a parking lot next to his truck. Next to him was a .22 rifle. According to witnesses, he took the rifle from behind the seat, leaned over it and shot himself right between the eyes.

I was confronted with a whole host of firsts. First dead body, first serious crime scene and first interaction with EMS. I was in a dirt parking lot. That eliminated the possibility of drawing a chalk outline around the body. EMS arrived. They slapped the paddles on him and decided that they detected a heartbeat. Cue heroic lifesaving measures. I joined in. This wasn’t Ambu Annie. There were no gauges to indicate if CPR was being done right. Instead, with every chest compression blood squirted out the bullet hole. Ever watched a percolator? With every squeeze of the ventilator bubbles frothed out of the same hole. Then the paramedics stole the body. Thirty years a cop, never did see a chalk outline at any crime scene.

Joseph Wambaugh’s “Street Monsters” got nothing on me.

About three in the morning a biker fell off his motorcycle on IH 35 for no apparent reason. If the fall didn’t kill him the two tractor trailers following him did. EMS responded but didn’t even get out of the ambulance. One thing about three AM fatal accidents. One cop works the wreck. All the other cops hang out and gossip.

The JP, acting as coroner showed up. The gossip session was interrupted when one of the paramedics caught the JP checking the corpse for a pulse. The paramedic assured the judge that the guy was dead by pointing out his brain had squirted out of a gaping head wound and was ten feet from the body.

I worked an auto pedestrian hit and run. The deceased was a drunk, Frank. He had been arrested dozens of times. Personal hygiene was never a priority with this guy. Didn’t matter what the weather was doing freezing or driving rain. When he went to jail all the windows in the patrol car were open. Things were even worse for him in death. He stunk like he had been dead for two weeks. All the cops complained about how bad Frank stank. The JP offered to back date the death certificate.

The funeral home arrived to pick up Frank. When they put him in the body bag we discovered Frank’s secret. He had been lying on a dead cat. The cat had probably been dead two weeks. I apologized to Frank.

Good times.