First Liar Hasn’t Got a Chance

“The Smoking Gun” reports that they have the best line ever uttered by a drug suspect, not even close. Not bad but I can do better.

Colorado Man, 34, Delivers Best Line Ever Uttered By A Drug Suspect

“Of course I have cocaine up my nose. It’s Aspen!”

Suspect after being handcuffed at a
buy bust”, “What did I do?

Police: “You sold dope to the man.”

Suspect: ” I didn’t sell dope to the po-lice, it be illegal to sell drugs to the police”

Or there is the ever popular street contact.  Police: “What you got in your pockets?”

Suspect:  “These aren’t my pants.”

Meeting a suspect for a cocaine deal.

Suspect: “I gotta use your phone.”

Police: “It’s out in the car, did I tell you I got a new car?”

Suspect: ‘What’d you get?”

Police “You gotta see it to believe it.”  Walks out to a brand new Ford Crown Victoria, four door, blackwall tires, vinyl seats, vinyl floor mats spotlight on the A pillar, and “Police Interceptor” badge on the deck lid.

Suspect:  “It’s a police car!”

Police: “Yeah ain’t it fuckin’ neat?”

Suspect: On telephone, “I need an 8, how much okay, see you in 20 minutes.” Turns to undercover and says 20 minutes.

Undercover officer stopped by a highway patrol trooper who decided to use some of those highway interdiction techniques to ferret out drug dealers.

Trooper: “Where you coming from?”

UC, “San Antonio.”

Trooper: “Heard they got a real drug problem down there”

UC:  “Not that I’ve heard, quality is good, prices are reasonable and supply is plentiful, no problem.” Do not use this answer unless you have 2-3 hours to spend on the side of the road, enjoy body cavity searches, and are handy with your hands so that you can reassemble your car.

Or finally, thanks to Dirty Harry, Suspect: “B-But you said you weren’t the police!”