Fat Is In The Fire

Rep, Ayanna Pressley wants to release all over weight prisoners. As long as she isn’t a victim, crime is just a concept.

I arrested the biggest crack dealer in San Antonio. He tipped the scales at over six hundred pounds. He was so fat that he had his very own jail uniform. Rumor had it that the Bexar County Sheriffs Office turned to a local Flag manufacturer, Dixie Flag to make his uiform.

We executed a search warrant at his house, a 1920 era bungalow built on pier and beam foundation. As is typical, we ordered him to get down, prone out on the floor. He complied. When he hit the floor the whole house shook. Unfortunately he did so in the entryway to the hall that led to the bedrooms. He jammed the door like a cork in a bottle. The lead element ran up and over him to get to the bedrooms. He was so fat that they had to duck to keep from banging their heads on the lintel to the door.

We called SAPD to transport him. As a general rule we transported our own prisoners. The dispatcher was not inclined to honor our request, but then agreed. I suspect that the dispatcher called up the address and associated it with our prisoner. A short time later a paddy wagon arrived to take him to jail. This guy was so big we had to use leg irons in place of handcuffs.

I also busted the second biggest crack dealer, named Corey. He was about 5’6″ tall and at least that around. He probably came in at 450 pounds. The judge gave him 144 months to do in the Federal joint. I ran into him later in the U.S. Marshal’s lockup. I pointed out to him that it wasn’t all bad. He now had the opportunity to go on a weight loss program.

About three years later, I ran into a free range crack dealer. He had done time with Corey. According to this guy, Corey was down to about 150 pounds.

I tried to convince the AUSA that prosecuted the Corey that the weight loss constituted an escape. He wouldn’t buy that.

I find it interesting that democrat politicians are all for letting murderers, rapists, child molesters and dopers back into the community. I guess one has to suck up to one’s constituency.