The pace of executions picked up in 2025. Some states have tried alternatives to lethal injection. Firing squads are back in vogue. Alabama has opted for nitrogen gas. Texas still uses lethal injection. The availability of pharmaceuticals seems to have triggered the search for alternatives. Lethal injection is “cruel and unusual” say critics. Lost in the controversy is the opinion expressed by one inmate who has been there, done that and got the shroud.

Richard Alan Cobb was executed in Texas back in 2013. These were his last words:

Just before the lethal drug took effect and at the conclusion of his statement, Cobb twisted his head back, raised it off a pillow placed on the gurney and then toward the warden standing behind him.

“Wow!” the inmate exclaimed in a loud voice. “That is great. That is awesome! Thank you, warden! Thank you (expletive) warden!”

Richard Allen Cobb, as the lethal injection drugs took effect, Huntsville 2013

You don’t see Cobb quoted much. He kinda blew “cruel and unusual” right out of the water.

Texas don’t need no stinking pharmaceuticals. it is time to end the states’ reliance on big pharma. Texas DPS has hundreds of pounds of cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine and fentanyl stored. The Texas Department of Corrections has hundreds of trained backyard chemists in custody. It’s a marriage made in; well, you get the idea.

I propose that the condemned be given a menu. They can choose the route that they want to take. Mix some cocaine and heroin and speedball their way to eternity. Or they could choose a massive jolt of speed and go out in a blaze of glory. Chances are most are experienced with street drugs, and they would jump at the chance for one last high.

The only downside I see, is a run on the opportunity presented. I foresee long lines of jaywalkers being disappointed that they can’t opt for the death penalty.

The next obstacle to overcome is to place the impending execution into terms that the condemned can understand. Simple, for the crazy and intellectually challenged, a simple statement will work. “We’re going to give you a shot. It will make you feel like all your birthdays are coming out the end of your pee-pee.” (Wild enthusiasm follows!)

Why do liberals make shit so hard?